It’s just another moon cake festival~

So today is the Chinese moon cake festival (the Mid-Autumn Festival), a traditional Chinese festival on the 15th day of the 8th lunar month with customs such as enjoying the full moon and eating moon cakes. It has been a remarkable event of the year for generations, where friends and families reunited after a long year(s) of separation. On this eventful occasion, moon cakes and lanterns are the 2 items not to be missed.

The moon cake festival is also a meaningful event for the lovers. It means a lot to a couple, to be able to stay along together on a full moon night. The full moon, which signifies unity, best symbolizes their eternal love.

It’s still vivid in my memory of how the moon cake festival was celebrated in my younger age. It has been one of my favourite festivals when I was young, as I got to eat various types of delicious moon cakes and lighted up the lanterns and candles under the full moon night. Everything was so fine.

Today should be the last moon cake festival I celebrate with my family before I further my studies in Australia next year. I wonder if the moon over the sea would be as perfect as the one I see here. I’m going to miss the tasty Tai Thong’s jade custard moon cake!

Happy Mid-Autumn Festival~

So this time i really have to think no more of him!!!!

I am running out of idea on how to write for this blog entry. I dont know how and where should I start. I dont feel like writing this, but I cant. This should be the hardest blog for me to write.

There has been some kind of harbinger telling me that it's the time for me to really erase him from my mind, when I exchanged my old handphone with my aunty months ago, as there were a few pictures of him stored in it. I couldnt transfer them out to another phone because there was something wrong with the mms settings, causing it fail to send out. But I still managed to transfer out a message of his address that he typed and saved in my old phone previously. Although I was not willing to let go the old phone ( as it was still quite new, only used for about 5 months), I still think it's good enough because I still got the chance to keep them inside the phone, as my aunty will not be deleting them.

But then....this time I no longer have a single record of any of the message and the pictures. I sent my new phone for repair last week and all the messages that have been saved in the phone have gone. This should be including the message of his. And my aunty have traded in my old phone at the same time. Was that a hint that I have to totally forget about this guy?

And so to my intuition, I suppose he is now in love with another girl. I know it's none of my business on who is he in love with and what is he up to. But when I found out that, I really cant take it. My heart is just so sour.

I really dont understand why guys could be so ruthless. They can just forget about the previous relationship so easily and then start a new one in just a short time. I wonder if they feel guilty. NO, they wont.

I'm very dissapointed with him, as he is going on the same path as the other guy. I should have knew it earlier when he asked to start off our relationship as good friends first. I should have understand that he will not send me any regards when he said he will sms or give me a call whenever he is free.

I have nothing more to say about the above all. I just blame myself for not meeting the right people, and it's my fault for not understanding a person well.

Anyway, I wish them happy being together.

万花筒

天真无邪升中一
无忧无虑过日子
无惊无险到中二
埋头苦干作准备
顺顺利利抵中三
披荆挥剑斩乱麻
轻轻松松跨中四
左思右想选理科
慌慌张张临中五
战战兢兢考状元
糊里糊涂闯中六
疯疯颠颠齐探索
剩下时间已不多
收拾心情待作战
未来动向尚未定
珍惜此刻胜远虑

-2003-

失眠夜

炎热的夜晚
一个人失眠
全世界失眠
窗外寂寞街灯
照亮孤单身影

曾几何时
你将你的失眠症 传染了给我
曾几何时
我开始享受着如此的失眠夜

遇上你是我的福气
日子变得有意义
我的世界不再孤寂

没有你的失眠夜
叫我如何能安眠
没有你的全世界叫我如何去眷恋

-2003-

At the point of no return

I’m at the point of no return.

I was lucky enough to get an offer from my uncle to continue my studies in the Australian University early this year, when I got my STPM results. It was indeed an opportunity that does not come very often. I have never thought of having a chance to go study abroad. So there I went, with my ‘below average’ results, to get all the information about the Australian Universities, and started to apply for the courses and university that I wish to enter.

From the 5 applications that I sent out, I got offer from 3 universities. Besides that, I also got an offer from the University Sains Malaysia. It was unbelievable that I am eligible to be a student in one of the good universities. As I have better opportunity to study, I have no choice but to give up the offer from USM. I know that it was a little wasted that I didn’t take up the offer, as I was one of the lucky ones who got exactly what I desired in my application to the local university. Moreover, I let go the chance of being as a student of the popular university that most people would wish to get in. So I look forward to study in the Monash university Malaysia campus, hoping to complete my final year in Australia.

I just looked on as my friends all entered to their offered universities and started their wonderful university life. Just as when I thought that I will soon be like them, I got a bad news from the Monash University, telling me that I might not get the course I applied for because my results are just slightly below the minimum requirement of the university. Instead, I got offer for a course that I’m not interested in. My uncle then asked me to choose between studying in local Monash or to accept the offer for next year from one of the three Australian universities.

I wasn’t very sure why was I being so ‘brave’ at that time, in making the decision to study abroad. It was my own choice, with no forcing from my uncle, neither of my family members. It’s strange that sometimes I wondered if I have made the wrong decision. There’s just too much to consider, and thus to handle even now. It hasn't been a smooth way from accepting the offer till now. Should it be better if, in the first place, I chose to study locally?

I have to admit that I have a little regret on my decision. I understand that I have to fully depend on myself when I’m alone on the foreign land. But problems that occurred recently between my uncle and my aunty made me feel worried. I’m worried about them when I’m away. I’m worried if there’s no one to help me when I have problems in Australia. And I’m sorry to be so selfish; I’m worried about the late remittance of my expenses in Australia, or if one day my uncle no longer in support of my finance.

I know there’s no way for me to turn back, and thus no point for me to feel any regrets. My decision to further my studies in Australia involves a considerable amount of money over a long period of time.How can I feel at ease when my uncle has paid so much for everything? I have made my uncle to pay a large sum of money as my first semester tuition fees, and that I must keep moving on, no matter how difficult it is, and no matter how unwillingly, how regretful I am.

I really don’t know how to repay my uncle’s kindness, but I will try my best to excel in my studies, and to success in my future.

Good luck for me in Australia! Gambade~

bye bye sorrows

After reading all my blog entries here, finally my friend has given me a valuable opinion on my writings. She commented that all my writings are just to the sentimental mood. I actually do agree with her, because I created this blog as a way out for me to let out all the unhappy feelings that have been bothering me.

I have to admit that after writing so much on this blog, I feel great relief as I no longer have to keep those burdens of sorrow in my heart. I’m happy that I found a good place to store my pains. I like the carefree me, with less sorrow and anxiety.

love....at first sight?

So do you believe in love at first sight? I supposed that this is happening every moment, everywhere,everyday in every single corner of this world, am I right?

Very often, a guy falls in love with a girl when he first meet her. He is attracted to her beauty, her facinating smile, her perfect body shape, her loveable outlook,....etc. Isn't it just too easy to get a guy to fall for a girl? I doubt if a guy loves a girl because of the girl's true personality, or just her looks?

I'm clear that everyone deserves the right to choose the best for themselves. It's undeniable that many people nowadays are wishing for a handsome or a pretty person to be their companion. The appearance, the outlook, should always be the first thing to be considered by most people, in choosing their right partner.

I remembered I once asked my ex-boyfriend why did he love me, and he answered me because I'm pretty, cute, nice to be with,....etc. Frankly speaking, I'm not satisfy with the answers he gave me. I'm not quite happy with it because it showed that he liked me just because of my pretty outlook, but not my personality. Maybe I'm just too sensitive, but I just cant stand that. I know that just as any girls, I should feel proud and happy when my guy praise me for my beauty, but I prefer him to like me because of who am I, and not because of how I look.

Talking about love at first sight, when I was in form 3, there was a guy sitting in front of me in a tuition class, asked me whether or not I believe in love at first sight. I didnt answer him but just stared at him, as I was very blank at that time. I was surprise that a guy which I was not familiar with would ask such a question.

Many people say that pretty girls always stand a bigger chance to get attention from the guys, and thus easier to get their prince charming. I dont really like that speaking, to be honest. It's very unfair to those who are born with not- so- outstanding features. It's just so meaningless for a girl to win a heart of a guy with her beautiful outlook.

"Do not judge the book by its cover". Yes, you might get a partner who is perfect on the outside, but you wouldnt know if the inside is as good as well. I dont think a relationship that grew up from the so called "love at first sight" will last long, because what if one day you find your beloved partner become so old and ugly looking?

Therefore, I dont really believe in love....at first sight.

Rain, rain, go away

“Rain, rain, go away, come again some other day….”what a familiar song. In fact, I will think of this song every time the rain comes. Why? Because I really wish that the rain will go away.

I don’t like rainy day, frankly speaking. I will have the uneasy feeling when the rain comes. I have asked many of my friends and people around me on how they feel about rainy day, and expectedly, they all came out as: “oh I love rainy day so much!” ; “It’s the best time to sleep in a rainy day…” ; “ It’s cool and refreshing…” etc. It’s obvious that rainy days are welcomed by most people, but not me.

If you were to ask me that same lame question, my answer will be “ I hope the rain never comes”. What an unusual answer eh? Yes, you didn’t get it wrong. Many curious people, I’m sure including you, will ask me to explain for the answer I gave. It’s simple. Rainy days are just not my favorites.

Oh….there’s a reason why I have great dislike about rainy day. I feel some kind of loneliness when the rain comes in. The changes of the atmosphere make me feel insecure. My head is just so heavy when the dark clouds set in. The drippings from the roof always annoyed me. It’s just like the end of the world to me. Hah…too exaggerating.

Ok, ok, let me put it in this way. I hate the rain mainly because it brings me many inconveniences. I cant go outdoor; I cant go shopping; I have to get stuck in a traffic jam; I’ll get wet if I forgot to bring an umbrella (which is really troublesome); and most importantly, my mood will be affected by the rain, and thus, making me become more emotional towards things or even human.

It’s a great disappointment to me when I’m about to step out the house for my well-planned activities, and suddenly I hear the thunder sound, indicating that the rain is coming on its way. Sigh…I will have to cancel them all and stay at home, do nothing, just because of the rain!

Besides that, the ‘mood’ of rainy day is more likely a sad one. Maybe I’m a sensitive person, I feel sad most in rainy days.

I prefer sunny day. At least the sun makes the sky bright, not like the rain. The ray of sun, as a sign of hope, brings the earth back to life and making it a better place.

I love sunny days. What about you?

I cry...:'(

I dont know why...I feel like crying now. Feeling very down for no reason. Wish there is someone to spare me a shoulder.

Sigh...when was the last time I cry? About few months ago...but only cried for a few seconds, although that time I was very sad...

It's strange that I only cried for a few drops of tears and for a...1,2,3,..., maximum to the 5 seconds, no matter how sad I was. My tears are like have been trapped inside my eyes for ages, causing them hard to flow out.

I, or should I say, we used to cry when we were young. Crying was the only language we knew when we were still a baby. As the very first language we learnt, we use it to express what we want, what we need and how we feel.

I dont like crying, frankly speaking. I hardly cry in front of people, as it's very embarassing. I tried very hard to hold back my tears in many situations, just to avoid from letting people sees me cry.

Tears! Go away! Dont come to me tonight! You are not welcomed...!

Where are u, my dear Prince Charming?

My prince charming
I’ve been searching him for so long
Yet I still failed to trace the track of him

His warm embrace, his tender kisses
Takes my heart away
Oh….They were only dreams of mine

I was told that
When you find someone walked into your life
Then it’s time to fall in love

I was once so close to my prince charming
Just too close
I cant believe that’s true

Just as I thought the stars in the sky
Have made my dreams come true
The wind blew off the foot-path
That leads to his castle

I was panic by the sudden hit
I was so lost that I didn’t know what to do
It was so hard for me
To accept that I have lost my prince charming

Did I do anything wrong
Why did You take him away from me
When he was about to take me in his arm

Perhaps
It was just a dream
My true prince charming is still miles away from me
I guess I should just stay at where I am
And wait for the day
When he comes to take my heart

Just when are you coming, my dear Prince?

Memory lost

Oh gosh...I think I have memory lost, not sure if it is a short-term or a long-term one. It seems my past memories are all gone. I wonder where have I threw them away.

My friends and I had a discussion on our past memories today and my mind was so blank when my friend asked me to tell about our memories back in our secondary school days. I was very unfamiliar with all those incidents that my friend mentioned. To me, it's just like they have never happened before. Strange...

I try to think hard and recall back on what had happened in the past...but I just failed to do so, as if my mind was telling me that " error: files not found". How could it be like that? That's impossible.

I'm starting to worry about that. Not only I failed to recall the past memories, I also have been very forgetful these days. I tend to forget everything so easily. Terrible!

I'm not quite sure what is happening on me, but it's still not bad if my forgetfulness could help me to forget things that I really wanted to forget. But of course I don't hope that will affect my studies as it will cost me alot if I cannot stuff in anything in my brain.

Hope for a better memory~

The good old days....

Signs that you are a year 80's baby (79's too):

You grew up watching He-man, Transformers, Thundercats, Silver Hawk and Mickey Mouse. Not to forget, Ninja turtles, Mask and Smurfs too. Girls watched Japanese cartoon like -"Xiao Tian Tian", "Hua Xian Zi" etc.

You grew up brushing your teeth with a mug in primary school after recess time. You squatted by a drain with all your classmates beside you, and brushed your teeth with a colourful mug. Remember the days when the school nurse, comes with a list for the dentist appointment the sound of the drilling when your friend has a fill in his tooth.

You remember the packets of milk we get in primary school to encourage us to drink more milk. During primary school days, the teacher will punish you using a ruler to hit your palm. A bowl of noodles soup cost only 40c in primary school days. When you were in primary school, girls like to go to the bookshop to buy cute stuff such as animal erasers, sharpeners, notebook etc.

In secondary school, girls go to the library to borrow their favourite romance storybook. In secondary school, girls altered their school skirt to shorten it and guys will go to the school appointed school uniform tailor shop to tailor make their school trousers to the then fashionable "baggy pants"!

Yaohan departmental stores used to be a favourite hangout for families during weekends. In secondary school days, you buy the Bata BM Turbo school shoes. Some guys like to wear those china made ankle high shoes. Some even like to wear those very thick socks with their school shoes.

Internet? E-mail? What the hell is that? So you thought a decade or more ago. Your friends don't have pagers or hand phones in school. CDs? What's that? Cassette tapes were the norm. Movie tickets used to cost less than $5 last time. The goodies from Mama shop used to be Mamee, Ka ka, Kum Kum, Ding Dang choco balls (with toys in the box), colourful hard "egg", "cigerette" chocolate, pink bottle of bubbles, and small tubes with yellow sticks to blow "more lasting" bubbles that you can pop more air in or slam it on. You never forget 'Ti Kam'.

When exams are over, the board games (e.g.: UNO, Monopoly, CLUEDO) & hand held video games would be all over the classroom. Your favourite sound is the bell! For it's the homemade ice cream man. The cream that tops Haagan Dazs! The pink colour ice-cream with eyes plus a wide smile. And the other peddler you love is the old lady who sells juicy Muah Chee and thick golden syrup rolled in a balloon the tip of a chopstick stick. Another bell is the recess bell, a time to get away from schoolwork and to eat. Another time when there is no bell but all guys will anxiously wait for it...The PJ, PE time (time for football).

Your favourite childhood games were playing "guli"(marbles), five stones, zero-point, catching, and/or "Pepsi-Cola one two three"! Police & Sentry. The best thirst quencher of all times is the yummy colourful ice tubes you can buy from provision shops. To eat them, break the tab and suck while holding the freezing tube!

All gals have a barbie doll/strawberry shortcake/my little pony/pound puppy, while all boys have a star wars figurine or a rubber band catapult that shoots folded paper! Once was the era whereby ice-cream sticks were valuable items, than came the paper aircrafts, chalk fights.

Everyone envies the class monitor and his assistant, cos they were the ones who can come up with the daily duty rooster, giving names to teacher on who makes the most noise. The elite group are the prefects, the one with license to move around, they consider themselves above the law.

Some boys made their own guns from wood, and used 'Bacali' as the bullets. Some even used matches to shoot and burn kids 'lanterns during Moon Cake Festival. And your favourite holiday was Lunar New Year! New clothes, ang pows, shopping, junk food and family outings! (YEAH...WITH ALL THE FIRE CRACKERS AND LION DANCES...)

Cheers to the 80s babies (79's too)!!! GONE ARE THE GOOD OLD DAYS HUH? DOES READING THIS BRINGS YOU BACK TO THE GOOD OLD TIMES? cheers... have fun all...